The Necessity of Dreaming

 The term, 'living your passion', was unheard of in the 90's. It is a relatively new phenomenon, this attitude that suggests that if you are not living your dream reality you must be living a failure. Setting the bar up high with unrealistic expectations, the parents of today's generation encouraged their children to believe in following their dreams. 

        Equipped with a sense of entitlement, and a feeling of being 'special', the contemporary youth have underestimated the power of dedication and hard work. Unfortunately the attitudes towards liberated sex cannot be adopted incase of a professional life, and though YOLO you cannot avoid responsibility. It is absolutely crucial to be well-grounded in terms of balancing a certain arrogance of youth, and doing what your heart tells you to do.

That being said, I also do believe in following your passion. Too many people have followed the money, and regretted their decision. If the herd moves in one direction, it leaves a lot of opportunities for  divergent thinkers. This was another reason for the origination of the term 'following your passion' as a success mantra, because in the recent times it is possible to make money in fields, never thought imaginable before. 

If you love what you do, you will spend time on it, get better and be happier, which increases overall productivity. The inflow of cash in a non-satisfactory job feels good with the first few shiny new cheques, but then the human part of us begins to wonder whether we are turning into machines, and it begins to seek deeper meaning in life, an emotional connection. 

        There is a misconception that passions need to be related to professional success. You can be passionate about anything.

           family

friends

guitar

slapstick comedy

greenery

beer

baseball

dogs

kinky sex

rock climbing

romantic novels

anything at all...

          So which category do you belong to?

            1. I have a passion, and I spend time on it.

2. I am yet to find my passion. 

        It is easy to discover what you are passionate about. Begin by asking yourself what would you do with your time, if no one paid you for it. Without money as the motivation, you will do things that you are curious about. This sense of exploration will lead to discovery of what makes you happy. 

         What pushes a hobby into a passion, is the difference between consuming and creating. Once you find something you like, try to do it yourself. 

           get to know your father

grow a plant

learn how to code from a web tutorial

make your friend a gift

tell yourself a make-up story

strum your guitar

read about wine

google how to give better oral 

write a funny one line joke

listen to every single song of your favourite band 

We need to believe and trust in our dreams and passions, because they are possible. If you are positive, you will have good feelings and produce higher quality work. It is important to point out that being positive is not the same as is suggested in new age spirituality. When I talk about positivity, I don't mean the adoption of a pollyanna-esque point, and viewing the world through rose-tinted glasses. 

      Too often people try hard to be positive, and spend too much energy resisting undesirable thoughts, and feeling guilty for not being happy enough. It is the same mistake that the rationalists made by suppressing emotions, and elevating the intellect as superior. What I mean by positivity is not a state of desperate delusion, but that of hope and a basic belief in humanity. There is so much unfounded negativity in today's world, that a dash of idealism and unrealism is necessary to counter the non-believers, and balance the good. 

The only reason people do cruel things, is because they have lost faith in the power of love. Unconditional love is absolutely possible. When one has accumulated considerable wealth or knowledge, they can use it for good purposes. When one has cultivated self-love, then can give love. When one has internal strength, he or she can give hope to others. When people are in a position where they have a lot to give, they are capable of compassion. 

There is an unconditionality of kindness in our everyday lives that remind us of the beauty of being human, and we just have to keep our eyes  and hearts open. These need not be great acts of a kindness, but small, simple things make a big difference.

The Art of Less

          

          We often lose touch with our authentic selves in a time when we are defined by what we do, and how we look doing it, instead of who we really are. Dissatisfaction through competitive comparison is heightened, as social media has become our best friend. We are so busy updating our networking profiles, that we have no time to actually meet people. We are so busy documenting our lives, that we forget how to live it.

        Spend less time plugged in. Go meet a friend face to face. Take a walk. Read a book. Mix a Salad. As we plan out every detail of our lives, we have lost the spontaneity of being. Give yourself the time, and the space to dream much bigger than cozy homes, picket fences, cool cars, extravagant vacations, and popular friends. Embrace your childhood idealism, and the desire to use your unique talents to help better the world, and yourself in some way. 

       Write down your crazy child-hood dream. If you don't remember it, browse through an old album.

         Think about all the non-essential commitments in your life. How much time and energy do you invest seeking attention from others? What is your motivation behind achieving something or purchasing a product, or even as simple as sharing on social media? Is it to add value to your own or someone else's life? Are you encouraging personal growth, and intellectual curiosity, or are you spreading superficiality and envy? Most of all, are you pretending to be someone you think others will admire? The next time you share something, ask yourself if you let social media become more important than the moment itself. 

       Image crafting has become such a daily part of life today, with the glossy sheen of technology, painting such a pretty picture, that one can hardly tell it is an illusion. We have become works of art, beautiful, but lacking in originality, winding a web of deception within our subjective worlds. We seem to be dissolving our individuality, blending into a mass of consciousness that does not know itself. It is this force which is taking over, as we grapple with information that overwhelms us and influences the way we view others, and ultimately our own outlook in life. We are being conditioned to see what we can use and how. It's uncommon to mind your own business, because everybody is a potential business opportunity, a measurement statistic, a comparison tool.

       Happiness has become an obsession, and people place too much value on it today. The higher we rate something the more we think about it, and analyse whether we are actually as happy as the people we see on beautiful billboards or perfected advertisements. What if we stopped rating the pursuit of happiness so highly? What if we started accepting the impermanence of life, the uncertainty, the calmness and the chaos, without clinging to those few moments of ecstasy as a desirable state of constancy?

       Profit-driven companies convince us that we need things to make us happy. So we shop and shop, but it's never enough. How much money do you really want and how much do you actually need? If you spend your life locked in a cubicle, when will you find the time to enjoy it? If we try to live simpler, slower and uncluttered lives, we would have time to figure out what is really valuable. The most meaningful things in life cost very little, or nothing at all. Materialism is a necessary part of enjoying life, however consumerism is extravagant, exploiting the temptation of the ego. 

Imagine you had all the money in the world, and you could buy whatever you liked. Then imagine you already had all of it, the beautiful house, expensive clothes, a fancy wedding, that snazzy car, the hottest girl, the perfect husband, smart children. What now? When we get what we want, why do we lose interest in it? Because we're attached to the image of perfection in our heads. If we stop living according to preconceived notions, we cultivate gratefulness, and create space for new ideas to broaden our perspectives. 

       We are too scared to stop and think, because in those moments of quiet we realise that we are not living the lives we would like to. Worse yet, we are not even trying. When the mind is calm, we discover parts of ourselves that we never knew existed. Self-reflection helps us assimilate our experiences and understand them. If we are constantly overwhelmed by the world, we don't comprehend it especially in our fast-paced age. If we are always productive, we will never be passionate. If we are always consuming, we will never be creative. 

     Try simple ways of being in the moment. When you are eating lunch or dinner, chew slowly and focus on your food. Don't watch television or call a friend. When you are in the subway, instead of plugging in your headphones, or playing a virtual game, observe people and watch yourself. 

     Sometimes it's good to do less, think less, buy less, and give yourself the space to listen and grow. For this to work, you must have faith in whatever force you believe in, but mostly trust in yourself. Trust comes from intimacy, and intimacy takes time. 
     
     Give yourself some time. You'll be surprised by what you find. 

     Spend time with yourself doing the bare minimum. 

     Breathe. Less is more. 

  

        

Living Vulnerably

We have all met those kinds of people. Selfish people who think of themselves first, using others for personal interests and stepping over their feelings with complete disregard. Such entitlement comes immaturity, and the lack of personal growth from life experiences. 

          It is easy to judge such people or become one of them. When life is smooth sailing, anyone can be a good, kind and easy going person. The true test of character is when you hit the rocks, what kind of person will you be?

       There is a difference between self-indulgent pity and pain caused from real suffering - like financial ruin, death, illness, abuse and betrayal of loved ones. Life is uncertain, and sometimes we are forced to face situations that are out of our control, and this makes us feel helpless and insecure. Stemming from these insecurities comes our desire to control our surroundings, and the people in our lives. During the process of growth, we are first helpless children, self-sufficient adults and once again, helpless aged. We have to learn, unlearn and relearn over and over again, breaking us down and building us up.

No real personal growth comes without suffering. When we suffer, we can choose to gain wisdom or resent and place outer blame on the external circumstances of our lives. Sometimes we blame ourselves, and this self-punishment does more harm than good. Life has proven to be unfair, and it is so easy to become jaded in the lack of trust due to betrayal in the face of vulnerability. We think building walls around us will protect us, failing to realise that it's a self-destructive cycle. Most times people hurt each other not out of intentional cruelty, but because they are inherently human. We make the mistake of thinking that the worst of human nature is a person's true self.

It is important not to be naive, but the most self-destructive thing one can do is to stop trusting people. When a person becomes bitter and consumed by anger and distrust, he unknowingly falls into the very situations that he or she is trying to avoid. Women or men who have been betrayed find themselves increasingly attracted to non-committal or emotionally unavailable people. The cycle repeats again and again, increasing our disillusionment and pulling us further away from the truth. Children of physically or emotionally abusive parents repeatedly find themselves in crisis situations.

We are insecure when we have an incessant need to criticize, a need to be the centre of attention, play the victim, undervalue other's achievements, overvalue our own, have a false sense of superiority or inferiority, distrust others, idealize others, become overtly suspicious, make superficial assumptions, and compare with inadequate judgement parameters.

Sometimes we are unwillingly pushed out of familiar safety and into scenarios of desperation, which precedes co-dependent and needy behaviour. Over-ambitious people push themselves out of their comfort zones such that they are perpetually stressed, and passive people do not push enough and stagnate in depression. Sometimes we have to deal with the insecurities of other people who try to control us, which causes us to mimic their actions in an effort to protect ourselves. We cannot always escape these events if they are uncontrollable and inevitable, such as a natural occurrence like death or disasters, the loss of finances, or relocation. We cannot avoid difficult and uncompromising people if they are our spouses, children or parents. There are many factors at play such as circumstantial factors, genetic susceptibilities or conditioning.

      It is important to be in touch with both our negative and positive emotions, without judging them as such. We should fully accept both our light and dark sides to understand our true feelings, and resolve internal and external conflicts. These situations deepen our understanding of human nature, bringing about awareness of motivations and resultant actions. How we react to these unwanted situations and who we emerge to be marks the strength of humanity, and the immense potential of empathy.

We have all heard that happiness is a state of mind, but when we realise that nobody and nothing can actually control us, then we become liberated from undesirable emotions. We still feel them in the heat of the moment, but we are now empowered to transform them. When we are no longer threatened, we cease to be insecure and automatically adopt a non-confrontational attitude. When there is nothing to resist, reactionary behaviour ceases. The circumstance gradually passes as we begin to work towards solving our problems, and take positive steps with a clear mind that begins to become aware.  

We no longer view things as black and white, replacing our opinions with questions, and our own agendas with a newfound endless curiosity towards life. 

The Individual in the Collective

We associate strongly with the roles we play in society, the occupations we engage in, and the gender we identify with. Our external appearance notwithstanding, we define ourselves by certain personality traits exhibited repeatedly during life experiences, our family background, social conditioning and ancestral histories.  Our interactions and how we relate to the people around us influence how we behave, our actions, motivations, and who we eventually become as a person.

In the collective amalgamation of these multiple roles, it is interesting to inquire the purpose and role of the individual, and how being part of a larger consciousness shapes our individuality. 

For example, let us consider the continuous process of growth-emotional, psychological and physical. As we age, and cross into the subsequent stages of childhood, adulthood, and old age respectively, we feel a need to conform to the stereotypes associated with each phase. 

Incongruous development of the faculties of nature result in an unnatural status quo, which seeks to balance out the internal states of individual needs and the external requirements of society. 

A man needs to fulfill his duties as son, father, and husband, just as a woman needs to fulfill her own respectively. The transition from each phase to the other, requires the individual to consider the needs of others, before himself. The status that one holds in society is proportionate to the respect garnered due to success, and in order to have a relatable position of authority, the individual needs to deny his self-actualisation needs, placing his physical and social needs first, in direct reference to surviving within the collective.

      Write down the various roles you carry out, and also, the ones you want to. Mother. Father. Friend. Filmmaker. Banker. Singer. Man. Woman. Now, put an adjective before every word. Feminine Man. Dominant Woman. Patient Father. Stressed Mother. Bad Artist. Bored Banker. Do the same for the three most important things in your life. It can be a person, profession or thing. 

        What is the place of the individual in the collective and vice versa? Which state is the current situation of our societal conditioning more attuned to, and what can be done to find a merger that satisfies and bridges this duality? 

With the dynamic and influential nature of changing trends in popular culture, how can the individual resist and maintain its integrity of being? The issues of nonconformity threaten the public sphere, and with it, a commonly accepted hierarchy that politicises not only economic systems of authority, but also human nature. 

In the rise and fall of power, the need for domination has been prevalent as a basic tenet for furthering one's owns means, ultimately reinforcing a Darwinian notion of survival. 

This notion can be applied in a paradoxical manner to the battles between own's one individuality and the collective, in the suppression and submission of one over the other. Is it possible for each to recognize their inherent differences and co-exit peacefully in a symbiotic rather than a parasitic manner?

Let us consider contemporary gender stereotypes of masculinity and feminity. With the civilisation and urbanisation of modern society, women no longer require men to pursue conventional gender roles of protection and provision. With liberated attitudes towards physical intimacy, men no longer require the challenge to pursue women for what they desire. However, though the economic and social movements have rendered gender stereotypes inadequate, our biological needs still remain. 

Isolation and the lack of emotional intimacy has shown itself to be one of the main drawbacks of an increasingly modern society that is no longer dependent on each other. Feminity has been traded in for undesirable masculine traits, and masculinity has been traded in for the feminine, as men  and women can no longer suppress their inherent polarities due to social conditioning.  

        While biologically it can be argued that men have a masculine core, and women have a feminine core, the complete suppression of the complementary energy creates issues of uneven development. 

While the feminist movement has reminded male energy about the inherent power of the feminine and the respect she deserves, too much of it begins to tip the scales in the domination of masculine energy. It is scientifically proven that for attraction there needs to be polarity to satisfy our biological needs, and hence the subsequent rise of same sex relations in contemporary society. This seems to be manifested as a need for the society to balance itself, overthrowing gender stereotypes in the internalisation of energy. The manifestation of various socio-economic and political movements, even biological evolution, suggests that there is a constant dialogue between the individual and the collective, with each responding and influencing the other.

As Lao Tzu quotes, 'When a movement becomes extreme, it turns into its opposite.' So also a possible futuristic prediction would be the dying down of same-sex relationships, and the realignment of heterosexual relationships, in a society that equally respects both the masculine and feminine, such that neither is suppressed while the other is inculcated. 

Both the externalization and internalisation of androgynous gender identification will restore the original balance between the masculine and feminine, while respecting the biological inner core of the differences between men and women.

When considering these multiple polarities, it is fascinating to reference a similar dichotomy that exists between the body and the mind, and draw parallels with the ultimate purpose of resistance. It is important to consider and recognize that the individual and collective may be two opposing forces, or even complementary, but they are also essentially the same, in the commonality of the goal towards the ultimate betterment and survival of our society.